Are You Addicted to Your Life Being a Mess?

Is it an almost daily or weekly event for you to have an issue you must rant about to your friends and family about? 

Is your life filled to the brim with drama and you just do not know why?

Are you always in a stressful situation, whether it be in your relationship, work-life or personal life? 

Have you ever noticed that the common denominator to your drama is you?

When your life seems to not be going your way the only thing you can change is how you react to life’s events. 

Sometimes, when we are stressed out or making everything about us, we can see other’s actions as much more personal than the person intended for them to be. 

For example, your boss comes into the office and strides right past your desk without even acknowledging you. You decide that they are mad at you about something and spend the better part of an hour texting your friend trying to figure out why they could possibly be mad at you. Have you ever considered that maybe they were preoccupied with something that happened at home, or are late for a meeting and simply did not have the time to say hello?

Sometimes we can make mountains out of molehills because we are bored, lonely or to make our lives seem a bit more important than they actually are. Not everything is about you and if you really are worried about if your boss is unhappy with your performance, ask them. Ask them, maturely at your next one-on-one, rather than texting your friend for an hour hypothesizing over what you could potentially be doing wrong. 

You are keeping shitty people in your life and complaining about them nonstop.

Sometimes we keep negative influences in our lives because it allows us to receive sympathy from others. It adds something to talk, complain or vent about and allows you to be centerstage with drinks with friends or get-togethers because you are dealing with a big, complicated mess.

For example, your boyfriend cheats on you regularly and treats you like crap, but you continue to stay with him. He has made no promises of changing his ways or improving himself, so you are in a subpar relationship, with no potential hope of improvement. Whenever you see your friends, you spend all of your time complaining about this terrible partner you have and how you hate them or cannot wait to break up with them, but you never do. The months drag on and you stay in this substandard situation because maybe you feel you cannot find someone better, it is too complicated to break up with them or, perhaps, you enjoy the attention you receive by staying. 

Sometimes the attention we receive from being in a bad situation can be very addictive and we might actually enjoy the attention we are receiving. Believe me, the sympathy you are receiving will dry up eventually; no one wants to spend their social time with a complainer forever…everyone reaches their breaking point and gets tired of hearing your bullshit on repeat.

If you are not honest and straightforward with those around you, your life will constantly be filled with drama. Whitelies, avoiding difficult conversations and deflating major issues is extremely problematic and will keep stress as a daily presence in your life.

For example, you keep avoiding your parents when they ask you about repayment of the money they lent you years ago. You start fights with them and tell them that the economy sucks and you simply cannot repay them this year, but you also still seem to find money to take yourself out for dinner once a week and you never skip out on wine Wednesdays with the girls. When you are discounting other people’s needs and stresses for your own wants your life will be stressful. 

When you act selfishly and put your needs ahead of others you will never be living the life you dream of. If someone helped you or is helping you and you made commitments to repay them in some manner, make sure when it is time to hold up your end of the bargain you do it. Nothing is worse than a person who leaves a debt unpaid and then acts rudely to the person who helped them out during their lowest point.

You keep stepping in the same pile of shit and you cannot understand why.

Your problems are not necessarily multiplying if this is the case, but rather they are consistent. When you are in this type of drama it simply shows you that you are not addressing a fundamental problem in your life and it is consistently creeping up in your day-to-day reality. 

For example, you never manage your life properly, so you are perpetually late for everything. You forget important events and it causes problems in your social and professional life. You are constantly living to just get through the day and you never feel like you are on top of your shit. 

For example, you got overlooked for a promotion at work which you really think you deserved, but your boss told you that your continual tardiness is an issue that cannot be overlooked. 

She has told you that if you are able to get to work on time that she will have more confidence in recommending you for leadership opportunities. You manage to get to work on time for a week, maybe even two, but start to slip after that. 

A new opportunity for advancement arrives a month or so later and yet again you are overlooked, but this time you blame your boss and say that she has it out for you, and will never promote you. Instead of fixing the problem, you blame the person who gave you sound advice to fix the problem. 

If you want to minimize the bad in your life you have to actively work at improving your life every day. You cannot stay in substandard relationships. You cannot stay at your dead-end job. You cannot keep avoiding the gym or eating healthy. You cannot keep ignoring your financial situation and debt. 

You also have to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Which traits of yours simply suck? Are you a bad listener? Are you never on time? Are you forgetful? Do you make every conversation about yourself? Are you lazy? Do you only work hard if the reward is imminent? 

Self-improvement is the biggest catalyst for daily life improvement. You will be amazed at how much better your life is if you simply change your daily habits, mindset and focus. Make sure you are not simply focusing on all of your external problems, but also your internal areas of improvement. If you think that all of your problems are stemmed from the outside world and are largely other people, you are probably your own worst enemy and just do not know it yet (or ready to admit to it). 

If you continue to ignore the problems in your life you are the source of the drama in your everyday. 

If you start admitting that in order to change your life, for the better, you have to start making improvements in yourself you will start to see small, but substantial changes. 

Quit living life day-to-day, minute-to-minute, one volatile situation to the next, but rather more holistically. Start realizing that you have much more control over your life than you realized. Your whole life is basically your reaction to external events, so if you can control your reaction, you can control the drama and therefore minimize or exterminate it completely.