Letting Go, When You Have Let Someone Down

Sometimes, when we have let someone down, our biggest urge is to get back in there and fix the situation, but this is not always the best practice.

Sometimes, more often than not, it is best to give the person space and control. 

Let them breathe, allow them time to reflect, and give them the opportunity to determine what they need from you, in order for them to best move forward.

You cannot be the abuser and the consoler all in one day. 

If you have hurt someone, you need to let them tell you how you can fix it. 

My strongest urge, after hurting/disappointing/angering someone, is to constantly communicate until the person I have hurt gives me the opportunity to discuss the situation and allow me the room to apologize for my actions. The problem with this is, is that I am putting my wants above what the other person wants or needs. Yet again, I am making it about me, putting my needs selfishly ahead of another. 

By resisting the urge to smother the person, you are allowing them the space to deal with their emotions around the situation. I still vehemently agree with the importance of sending them an apology, whether it is in person, over the phone, email or in an old fashioned letter, but make sure to do it in a manner that lets them know you are sorry, but also being respectful of their boundaries. An email is my recommended approach because it allows you the opportunity to clearly express your emotions and how you feel without muddling your emotions with a face to face conversation. 

Once you have taken ownership of the situation and even though your friend does not want to continue or commence communication with you, you now need to deal with yourself. 

You need to forgive yourself and move on from the negative actions you committed. This is the hardest part of the action because you have to continue living with yourself, your friend may never return to your life, but there is no way of you escaping you. 

Go to therapy. Find a support group. Dig deep and try to understand the true reasons behind your bad actions. Learn from what you have done, so that you are not doomed to repeat it over and over again. Forgiving yourself can be really, really, really hard, but it is the crucial step required for growth. 

Your own healing will take time; it could even take years, but you can get there. You will eventually wake up one day and realize that no matter what has happened in the past,  you can only control what happens now and you will actually believe the words for the very first time.

You will laugh and not feel guilty for feeling good. You will be proud of your accomplishments and not wash over them because of all of the bad deeds you have previously committed.  You will start to see your past actions as learning moments, though brutally hard, but lessons you very much did learn from and are better for by going through them. 

Let go of fixing everything for everyone around you and firstly figure out what is wrong within you that is making you make these missteps in the first place. When you find peace, understanding and solace within yourself you will learn lessons that make your past less painful and future much brighter.