Who is the conductor of your life?
I think the knee jerk reaction is always to say that we are the conductor of our own lives, but if you really think about it, is it really you?
It takes a lot of work to become the conductor of our own life and most people are not naturally inclined to take a leadership role in their own life choices.
We usually gravitate towards external forms of affirmations which tend to channel and dictate the direction of our lives, rather than what truly makes us feel filled with purpose and fulfilled.
The most common external conductors of our lives tend to be: money, third party praise and affirmation, external accolades and meeting or surpassing societal expectations. We can end up spending our whole life doing things we do not necessarily love, for gains we really do not want, because some external entity or entities keep emitting positive encouragement in said direction.
Have you ever achieved something really big, but felt super deflated immediately afterwards? Have you ever considered that perhaps the achievement meant very little for you intrinsically versus externally? Sometimes we are so focused on the achievement of a goal that we forget to question whether the achievement is something we truly desire or even want.
It can be really hard to do things entirely for yourself and know that you are doing them because you, yourself really want to do them. It took me years to learn what I was doing for myself and what I was doing to prove success to external entities. It took me years to realize that external validation will never fill an internal hole. Though it may temporarily feel good, that feeling does not last very long at all.
So why do you do what you do? I know the knee jerk answers: to pay the bills, because you are too old to change, because you are good at what you do, or you fell into and do not know how to get out of it, but if you remove all of the bullshit why do you actually live the life you live?
Are you the conductor of your own life?