If You Want a Perfect Relationship….It’s Going to Fail

“Relationships are harder because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates.”

Social media has made life (seem) much more magical than it really it. It (seems) as though every time you go online there is someone whose life is so much rosier, glossier, and (basically) better than yours. 

It can be tough not to look around at your life and see a matte finish when all you ever do is compare said life to the filtered life of others. 

The solution is simple, but far from easy: Do not compare your relationship to others, ever (in real life or online). 

What works for one couple will not be replicable for another. Each partnership is unique and built on a foundation only the two individuals in said relationship shared and created together. When you think of it from this perspective, it almost seems (almost) silly to compare. 

In order to have a great relationship, you have to forgo the want of having a perfect relationship.

You also need to forgo the need for others to see the greatness of your relationship. External praise is not a marker of a healthy relationship and should not be sought out as such. 

“The best relationships aren’t posted all over social media.”

The moment you begin Instagramming your romantic moments, rather than (actually) cherishing them, you are losing the true essence of the situation. The second you start to scroll through your phone, searching for the camera app to document the beautiful gift you just received from your partner, so you can upload it to Facebook, you have missed the moment. 

A great relationship happens behind closed doors. 

A great relationship is the experiences, conversations, and smiles you share when no one else is looking. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your successes, stories, and celebrations online, but do wonder how much value the online attention adds?

What I am much more interested in are the inner workings of your relationship.

What does your relationship look like when no one is watching? 

What does your partner do when you come home from work, after a terrible day? Do they take the time to listen to you, order some of your favourite takeout to help console you, cancel their own plans, so that they can be there to support you? 

What does your partner do or how do they treat you after you have a fight? After a terrible, horrible, no-good, bad fight? Do they call you names? Do they ignore you for days on end? Do they (ever) apologize?

Though these moments are not Instagram worthy, they are worth their weight in gold. These are the moments in which you know whether you are in a great relationship or a picture-perfect relationship.

“Nowadays, when our relationships get hard, we can just log on & get high off of this false sense of security, appreciation & understanding.”

A picture-perfect relationship is a (seemingly) decent technique to increase self-esteem (through external praise) and (perhaps an attempt) to make others jealous, but a great relationship is simply great. 

This is not to say that a great relationship does not require its daily dose of work, but it does not have the issues of a picture-perfect relationship.

“Relationship killers: Insecurity, Trust issues, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Jealousy, Lack of communication, Assumptions”

In a great relationship:

-There are no trust issues

-There are no control issues

-There is no unequal power dynamic

-There is respect for your partner’s life

-There is shared responsibility for running your household together

In a great relationship, there is little to no need for external validation. There is little need for others to approve or applaud actions. 

When I was striving for a perfect relationship, I was perpetually exhausted.  It was a terrible relationship and I was so absorbed in trying to prove how perfect my relationship was that I had completely forgotten to ask myself if the relationship was worth even fighting for. You can end up wasting years of your life, striving for perfection, in the wrong relationship because you are so focused on proving your relationship is going better than it really is that you are too busy to assess the value of the relationship at all.

When we are overly focused on what others think of us or our relationship, we forget to focus on what truly matters: if we ourselves are happy. 

Are you happy in your relationship? 

Does your partner make you a better person?

Does your relationship (typically) exhaust or enlighten your life?

It can be effortlessly easy to mask your whole day with appearing (to others) to be happy. That day slowly morphs into weeks, months and then the story of your life. One day, when no one is looking and you are sitting alone with your thoughts, you will not be able to continue wearing the mask that you are living a perfect life. 

You will find the mask suffocating and you will have to rip it off. Some people can only endure the mask for a few weeks or months, others can handle it for a few years, but some of us…some of us can wear that mask for our entire lives. 

You can live your whole life in a substandard relationship, but there is no prize for being a martyr. No one really cares if your partner is good, great or ghastly because they will never know, it only impacts you, your life, your future and your happiness.