You are the product of the five people you spend the most time with.
When you surround yourself with subpar people you cannot achieve great goals because your environment is keeping you anchored down.
The subpar people are not bad people, but be wary of simply being around people who make you feel comfortable, rather than challenging you, calling you out or congratulating you on doing something daring.
People who say things like, ‘You are not qualified for that job,’ ‘that’s what marriage is like, he’s never going to change,’ or ‘it is the least of all evils, so it could be worse’ are anchoring people.
Sometimes we think of these people like our friends or allies because they are simply trying to let us know that we are not alone in our struggles. However, admitting defeat and settling in any area of life, love, career, personal, health, is accepting a substandard existence. It is not too much to ask to have joy in all areas of your life, and do not believe anyone who tells you otherwise.
Do not fool yourself, if you are not striving to be your best you in all areas of your life, you are settling in your life.
Settling is like a disease; it seeps into all of the crevices and cracks in your foundation and eventually, without you really realizing it, you are just doing enough to get by, rather than thriving in life.
Time and time again, especially as I get older, I would rather stay at home, with a good book, than go out, if I question the company.
A good book will never let you down. The sharing of a meal, with a shitty person, will leave you fifty bucks in the hole and grumpy. Not only was your money wasted, but more importantly, your time was wasted.
When I see people settling, when it comes to their life partner, it blows my mind. Someone, who is just good enough is enough for them. That’s it? That’s what you want? Forever? Seriously?
I guess the concept of forever is too great to comprehend, but try to give it some respect because our commitments can quickly become the concrete we willingly entrap ourselves in.
I can easily guarantee you that everything, which mildly irks you today about your partner, will drive you into a wild, killing, frenzy five years from now. The things today, which are kinda cute, will not be cute in a decade of sharing the same household.
Honestly, your life partner is not someone to gamble with because they are number one, on your list of five. Make sure that they are worthy of such a prestigious spot in your life, mind and energy.
I am not saying our partners do not have flaws; I consider myself a good partner and I am filled to the brim with flaws, but the strength in my relationship is that we balance one another out. We are able to support one another with our weaknesses and encourage each other on our strengths. Also, we respect one another. I truly believe that respect is what is lacking in most weak relationships.
When I talk about respecting your partner, I am talking about the respect of each other’s time. My partner and I share equal responsibility for running our home and family, which shows respect of time. If you are doing more, on the regular, than your partner, your partner is simply not respecting your time, which is the most valuable commodity that we have in life.
Ask yourself, do you do all the housework and your partner does none? Do you do all the cooking? How much of your time is stolen by responsibilities which should be shared? Where could you see yourself allocating said time to if it was not being used up on the running of a shared household?
Your partner, best friends, closest confidants, family, if you see them daily or regularly, they help create the person you are….so, who do you spend the most time with?
Who are your five people? Or your four other people, if you are in a relationship?
How have they helped shape who you are today?
My partner has taught me to chill out, embrace the day and live in the moment.
My friends are my free therapists and walk me off self-made cliffs on the regular.
My brother is my go-to person for a laugh, to talk freely or to just shoot the shit with, no judgement and no conversation is off the table either.
My puppy is my morning buddy, or buddy at all times of the day really, and forces me to be in the moment, rather than fretting about the future or mulling about the past. He has taught me when I have accidentally stepped on his toe, or scolded him, that it is better to move on quickly than to dwell on the pain. With him, nothing negative is kept from yesterday’s pasts and tomorrow is not worthy of his time; it is an admirable way to live.
What I have learned from our society is that most people settle and they settle much lower than they should. It is easier to stay with like-minded people, keep your five major influencers low-level people and never question where your life is headed.
People hang onto expired friendships, simply because they have been friends for x number of years and do not really question if the relationship is even if the value of this anymore; I am personally guilty of this one.
People stay in jobs, which no longer or never inspired them, and never try to find something new and challenging. It seems most people simply want to get to Friday, bitch about their work week and repeat said cycle over and over again.
People stay in (super) shitty relationships because they are married, it is complicated to breakup or because they fear to be alone. Can you imagine waking up next to someone who does not bring you joy? I would much rather wake up alone than to that.
I have also learned that adults are really good at selling the good points of their life to others and themselves. They glean over the bad stuff, buff it up and make it publically presentable, but little do we know how lonely, listless and lost they are in private.
As we grow up, we become more and more rigid and fearful of life. We stay within self-made confinements because it somehow feels safe. We become specialists at lying to ourselves and others, desperately trying to sell a fake life to ourselves and others.
I have also realized that a lot of people are unhappy, uninspired, tired, bored, or just plain lost, but are scared to admit these things. It is scary to admit that you are not living the life you thought you were going to be living because then that puts you in the position to make changes. A lot of people just want a podium to purge out all their complaints, with no intention of making changes; they just want to waste our time bitching and moaning.
Think about something you loathe about your life, yourself or journey.
What can you do about it?
What can you do today to take one micro-step forward in a better direction?
Make a list, make a plan, find support, tell a friend and change it, whatever your ‘it’ may be. Even if you fail or the change you want does not happen right away, it is better to focus all of your energy on that great tomorrow, you are building towards, than the shitty today you are not happy with living in. Also, today is not done so we can start that better life right now.
I know it all sounds super cheesy, but it really is not. I would also rather be a cheesy optimistic, than a sedentary pessimist.
When we die, no one is going to congratulate us for staying in that shitty marriage, spending all of our time in that lackluster job or not changing our life because it would inconvenience others, but they will remember if we never stopped trying, believing and working towards better for ourselves and top five people.
Remember, you are many other people’s top five person too, so how you better yourself will influence them as well.