Why Control Will Crush Your Relationship

The need for control in your relationship is a dangerous situation. No one should or can effectively control another human being.

There is so much energy spent on trying to be right, proving the other person wrong or conforming them to your will, but is there not a better way? There must be a more positive solution to a harmonious relationship than breaking someone down and rebuilding them to your liking.

Instead of focusing on gaining control, learn to let go of expectations.

People who tend to be controlling tend to also think that they know best. When you are in a heated conversation with your partner, instead of trying to win, try to diffuse the situation. Try to find a rational way to talk about the problem.

Control really boils down to wanting to direct your relationship, but a relationship is the amalgamation of two individuals, so if you goal is to always win, you are missing the point of being in a relationship.

Assess your level of stubbornness; how important is it for you to be right? Are you willing to lie, not listen or be rude just to win? Perhaps you need to do some self-reflection or seek professional help to help mitigate these unhelpful urges.

Do you actually listen when your partner is airing their concerns? Or are you impatiently waiting to jab them with all the knowledge you have and the arguments to backup your vantage point?

Quitting the need to win is very difficult, but it can be overcome. It is not meant to make you into a pushover, if you are such a stubborn person, being a pushover is probably not a problem for you. The goal is to start generating more positive conversations, so that when there are disagreements in the future, you are able to handle them appropriately and calmly.

When your partner is in disagreement with you, instead of seeing them as your opponent, see them as someone on your team and work with them to see both vantage points and to attain empathy for both individuals.